


Dark Roast

by rex_sun



Series: Rex/Fido HnG Deathmatch Entries [1]
Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-16 20:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rex_sun/pseuds/rex_sun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kishimoto Kaoru is very mature for his age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Roast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Phnx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phnx/gifts), [Lanerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanerose/gifts).



> Written under the pseudonym “Fido” for the Deathmatch hosted on hikarunogo@dreamwidth. Theme for Round 1 was “bitter”.

"That's sick, man."

"Eh?"

"How do you drink that?"

Kaoru straightens up from the vending slot and looks at Waya with his mouth slightly open, startled. Waya's never spoken more to him than was necessary before, but here he is now: standing with limbs loose and change in hand, watching Kaoru like a fascinatingly gross video from class. He laughs a little as if to soften the blow of his rudeness, then jockeys ahead to choose out his own drink-- a soda, sweet and salty. He keeps glancing back at Kaoru; apparently he's expecting an answer. Kaoru wonders if he heard or can hear now the mutterings of the other insei Kaoru left in his wake.

And Kaoru remembers--

======

His first opponent was called Ueda, and she crushed him almost immediately. She was seventeen, and soon she would leave the insei. Therefore, in logical following, she hated Kaoru for joining, and, without any sense of mercy, she let him know this. Afterwards, she said, "Welcome to the insei,"and left for lunch.

"That wasn’t nice," a nearby watcher noted. "Don't worry about her, Kishimoto. She has to quit without ever having made it to A league once."

"She's just bitter," someone else giggled behind her hand.

"Thank you," Kaoru responded unsurely, wondering if he was supposed to tolerate them badmouthing Ueda or if he was supposed to ignore them. What was the mature thing to do?

They smiled like they liked him but left him to eat lunch on his own. He later figured that they didn't so much like him as they disliked Ueda. That was fine, Kaoru supposed. They were really childish.

***

Of course, taking the insei exam had required study, and participating took time, and so many nights, Kaoru would sit patiently through his parents' lecture.

"--and don't you know I work hard to support you? Kaio isn't free! If it's affecting your future, and I mean your real future, then it's time to give up on go. Kaoru, it's just a game--"

Kaoru wanted to say, 'But father, it isn't just a game'. Instead he said, "I know, I'm sorry, I'll try harder" --the only line he knew in times like this.

***

The day the vending machine stocked black coffee was a great day in Kaoru's mind. Granted, he did switch from one cup a day to two, and then eventually to three, but it helped him gain the strength to deal with his fellow insei. He found it incredibly fortifying after a month of majority losses. He even started doing better, started winning-- he had the energy after lunch when others were full and sleepy. A valid strategy.

"Are you drinking coffee?" Sameji asked.

Kaoru fought down a smile and instead tilted the can. Those gathered at the lunch table leaned over with curiosity.

"Is it like, that stuff with the milk and sugar?" asked Satou, who was a fourth grader and who often talked of his mother. "Like the kind my mom gets with the fluffy tops, and the caramel-- she lets me have the tops."

"That sounds good," said an older kid kindly.

Kaoru shook his head. One girl made a face. Her name was Nase, and she routinely beat him.

"Just black?"

"Mhmm."

"Black?"

"Without anything added. Just coffee beans and water."

"Oh gross!"

"Why do you drink it just black?"

Kaoru looked between them all and felt his heart begin to flutter. When he adjusted his glasses and opened his mouth, all eyes were on him. It felt good. "I'm thinking of my future."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Nase asked, frowning. Her arms were crossed.

"Sugar is bad for you in the long run," Kaoru explained patiently. "And besides, you can't taste the individuality of the coffees if you drown it in sugar."

"What does coffee taste like?" Satou asked.

"Bitter," Nase mumbled.

"It shouldn't," Kaoru said. "A properly brewed coffee--"

"Can I taste it, Kishimoto?" asked Satou.

Kaoru hesitated, and in that moment, Satou plucked the can from his fingers and took a sip.

"Blehhh! It's bitter!"

"A properly brewed--?" Nase began, smirking.

"It's a canned coffee, so--!" Kaoru tried to defend himself.

The bell rang for the afternoon session. The can was pushed back across the table. Kaoru imagined he could see the little nine-year-old's slobber on the tab, so he threw it away in the trashcan angrily. Later he heard someone complain that the trash smelled like sour coffee.

***

Kaoru played Yamamoto six months after joining the insei. Yamamoto was once ranked tenth in A league, but he'd been on the decline for a long time. Itou patted Kaoru on the back. "You've got this!" And Kaoru, polishing off his morning can of coffee, believed him.

An hour later, however, found Kaoru mustering as much dignity as possible in the face of a devastating loss. Shinoda looked like he was holding back irritation as he waved his hand over the board. (Itou was laughing in the background.)

"I want to say it's because you're back to playing well, Yamamoto-kun, but frankly neither of you played well today."

Then Shinoda pointed out where Yamamoto went wrong, but that was nothing compared to where Kaoru went wrong, and pointing out one place Kaoru went wrong lead him to another place Kaoru went wrong, until a little group of onlookers had gathered and were shaking their heads in wonder at such a truly awful game.

Yamamoto gritted his teeth and looked up at Kaoru. "You know, you don't have to look so stuck-up. You lost, after all."

"You didn't do much better," Kaoru said, trying to hide the shaking in his hands and voice.

Yamamoto stomped out of the room just as Shinoda said, "Enough!"

Kaoru immediately regretted his moment of childishness; everyone was staring at him, never having heard him back-talk like that. With the blessing of Shinoda, he went to find Yamamoto. Yamamoto's things weren't in their cubby. Wondering with a vague panic whether he'd have to wait until next week, Kaoru jabbed at the elevator button.

To Kaoru's relief, Yamamoto was sitting on a bench on the first floor. Kaoru went right to him and apologized. Yamamoto seemed to lose his fight then and said, "Me too. It's just-- that fall is hard, you know?" He seemed to study the tile for a moment and then said, "I quit."

"What?" Kaoru asked, astonished.

"Sorry about this. Tell Shinoda-sensei for me. I can't handle it anymore."

"But why...?"

Yamamoto stood up, hitched his backpack higher, and smiled ruefully. "It's just a game, isn't it?" 

He left.

***

Kaoru made it up to A league nine months after joining the insei. He saw Nase, who had made it four months before him, in the corner of the A league section with a group of boys. As he walked into the room, he saw her briefly point and then laugh behind her hand. The boys looked at him and smiled.

"You like coffee?" his opponent, Iijima, asked him later. "We should go grab a cup for lunch. Winner's treat."

Iijima, he learned by lunchtime, liked his coffee with a lot of frothed milk. He turned to Kaoru and asked, "What do you want?"

"Black, please."

"Black?" Iijima didn't seem surprised. Nase had already told him. "Don't feel you have to choose the cheap kind."

"Black, thank you."

The cafe was very bright inside. Iijima sat at one of the tables with the high stools. Kaoru sat across from him and thanked him again.

"I know it's kind of shitty of me," Iijima started, but then he paused to take a sip. He continued, "I really needed that win. So thanks. I'll treat you to coffee whenever I win. And I'll remember you like it black."

Kaoru isn't one for vulgarity, usually, but--

What an asshole.

***

Waya beat him next, and Isumi. Komiya, Adachi, Tanaka and Kobayashi. He dropped down back to B league.

"You won't have to pretend to be nice to Iijima anymore," said the owner of his favorite go salon optimistically. He lit a cigarette that glowed in the relative dimness of the city shop. The sun outside the glass-paned doors burned just as orange. The salon would soon close.

Kaoru leaned back in the cushioned chair and bit down his smile. "You have very good coffee here."

"Better than canned."

"Hmm."

"And it's a more relaxed atmosphere," the owner said knowingly. "You can take it as easy or as seriously as you want, right?"

"Hmm," Kaoru agreed.

"Say, Kishimoto," the owner suddenly said after a few moments of silence. "Shouldn't you be getting home? You're just a kid, still." He poured Kaoru another cup of coffee and, as always, left a little plastic cup of cream and a packet of sugar on the side of the saucer. He knew very well Kaoru didn't ever use them.

The owner didn't need to know that Kaoru's parents received his report card from school in the mail that day.

***

Eleven months after joining the insei, Kaoru, middle of B league, faced Sugiyama, bottom of B league, and was slaughtered. That morning, Itou, his old B leaguer friend, had patted him on the back and said, "You got this!" And Kaoru had believed him.

"Kishimoto-kun," Shinoda began, patient but weary.

(Itou snickered again.)

"Please excuse me," said Kaoru. "I need a drink before we begin discussion."

======

\--and Kaoru's hand tightens around his can of black coffee.

Of course, he's not an idiot. He knows they think he's really pretentious. Waya is the idiot. All these stupid little kids here are the idiots. (Kaoru feels his face getting hot.) All giggling, all so self-assured, all so la-di-da about schoolwork and their futures. So much better than him-- but at what? Just a stupid little game! It's a game. Kaoru doesn't need to be good at a game. He needs to be good at-- he doesn't know what, but --(Waya's looking at him for real now. Did he say something?)

Stupid little kids and their stupid little games. Must be nice not having parents down your neck or all the adults acting like they know what's good for you-- teachers saying 'you are so smart, I don't understand why you're wasting yourself' and mothers wiping away frustrated tears-- must be nice having boundless talent and people who support you and-- and all the carefree fluff of sugary hype--

How does he drink his coffee black? It's no great mystery!

"Like this!" he says, and he throws back his head and chugs it down.

And after that he gives up on childish things.


End file.
